kisses.

i can't believe how many people i was being nice to last night. how fucked up. that is so not me. where the fuck have i gone! :( i don't remember much, but i know pres was fucking awesome. metros is a blur, after metros was an even bigger blur. and i'm hungry right now. my brain is so slow this blog is such a struggle to write. HAHAHA. holy shit i woke up drunk this morning, fml.

right, i remember the purpose of this blog now! i had a very strange dream this morning. i don't know if this dream is like, fucked up or just funny? why do i always dream of kissing boys? LOL. i guess since i'm not easymack in real life anymore, i'm still easymack in my dreams ;D

- r

happy.

say what you want- it's not like i'll hear it anyway, you'll make sure of it. it's okay because at the end of the day i'd rather be a happy slut than a frigid bitch hating on other girls for being everything i'm not- happy, care-free, outspoken- all while not being obnoxious, now that takes skill. ;)

- jae.

idiot.

is it a bad sign that i'm questioning our friendship? or is it just a phase i'm going through? i really hope it's a phase because if it's not i'm going to lose someone that means too much to me, and someone i've been through way too much with. i guess i've just been bitchy and grumpy lately. sorry everybody. but something is seriously going on in this brain of mine. and my nice side is definitely losing the battle :(

i really don't want to throw the relationship we have away. but you're really making it hard for me. dickhead. yeah, that's what you are to me right now. and i hope you get hurt again, just so you learn. and you come running back for help and find no one will be there to help you piece everything back together. have fun (y)

- r

quote.

" Be the change you wish to see in the world. "
- Gandhi

jae.

smelly.

maybe you make a big deal out of nothing. and then when something should be a big deal, it's supposed to be something. i can't tell the difference. the line is too blurry, but i know it exists. i think i should just let everything go, and watch everything fall into place. or out. i'll never know.

my theatre smells like roses. i don't like that smell very much. but it doesn't matter. coz i love the boy who gave them to me :3

- r

future.

what is yet to come? i have no fucking idea. but i probably should be prepared for it.

- r

sober.

So, this is the first entire weekend I've spent at home in a looooooooooooooong time and I've realised why I've felt the need to be out and intoxicated constantly. Actually, it came up a couple of days ago but I just shrugged it off- until it came up in conversations with friends who insisted that I give it more consideration, rather than just a mere "meh". It's something I'd rather not talk or think about much because the more I do, the more I begin to question myself- and I don't like being questioned, even by myself D:<

Sometimes, when I sit down to look in the mirror, I notice there's a bottle of jager 'conveniently' obscuring my line of vision. Sigh. I was watching Gossip Girl before- I love the narration (: she's so clever- anywho, she said something that I really, really like:
" If we hold on to the past too tight, the future may never come. "
I'm sure a handful of you just figured out what's been bothering me now.

- jae.

bruno.

bruno mars - pretty sure you have the best smile EVER. perfect teeth! O:

safe and sorry.

clear your head, don't let others influence you.
think for yourself, it's your own life.
let haters hate, and lovers love.
pretend everything is okay when they're not to protect the ones you care about.
don't think too much, thinking causes horrible consequences.
give everybody chances, but not too many.
keep the ones you love close to you, you never know when they could leave.
listen to more than one opinion, but make decisions of your own.
don't let people fool you, in the end everyone is only thinking about their own happiness.
let bitches bitch, but remember not to become one.
remember who you are girl, you are NOT one of them.
don't forget that!

- r

worry.

this feeling is worrying. what if it doesn't go away?

- r

dance.

I'll lock the door, bury the key and hide myself away to see who will find me while I'm dancing the night away in the drunken crowds. My life is an open dancefloor, tear it up people because I won't be sober enough to remember any of this by the end of the song.

- jae.

one day.

i don't like how you think the world should revolve around you. maybe it's good that we're not friends. and maybe what i have, is what you want. i'll never really know until the day comes. no matter what, you are not as special as you make yourself out to be. don't kid your self darling. there will always be people better than you, i hope you realise that. and before you ever do, you're just a fake bitch in my eyes.

half the year has passed, and things have changed like i never thought they would. all i know is that i like how things are right now. but one day it's going to come to an end. and when that day comes, i'll already be gone..

- r

walk away.

don't give me a reason to walk away. coz right now i feel like i should. all this shit has been building up and starting to drive me insane. you aren't good for my well being. yet i need you in my life.

- r

weekend.

so this is what my weekend has come to. no metros. no drinking. no dancing. no skanking. still less sleep. and still a runny nose. sigh. i'm so ave. i feel so lonely. i'm just gonna chill at home and watch world cup final on my own, with this shit asshole motherfucking rain pouring down. fuck i hate winter!

- r

standards.

i'd rather end up alone than settle for less.
i'm sick and tired of this mediocre life.

- jae.

change.

i see it happening but i can't do anything to stop it. this time, i hope it's just in my head because i don't know if i can handle another one. seems like i still need my superhero..

- jae.

sickening.

fuck this weather hey. pretty sure i've gotten sick from that stupid walk down albany highway last night with two losers who couldn't choose where they wanted to eat! motherfucking rage. you both owe me cough medicine or something! >:( and LOL at aaron at skulling $3.50 wine. very good friend, very good. $30 food coupon which expires 30th of august. keep it well :) hahah.

i hate you and your catchy songs glee!

- r

memory.

i only uploaded this photo coz simone doodle told me to upload some photos. i guess i'll be doing this more often then :) hahaha. SUP S-MON.
also, this photo is hell funny. just like joshy's face :X

- r

cry.

the more i think about it the more i feel like this isn't going to last. you, me and everyone else just don't go together. maybe going back to the way it was, that's how it should be. because even after all this time, i still see you trying to please everyone else and i'm still standing here trying to deal with this myself. without you. what i hear from other people will never change. you will never change. i don't know how much longer i can last anymore. it hurts.

- r

facts of life.

"germany and poland combined make pomany.
england and ukraine combined make enkraine.
china and aboriginals combined make wilson.
facts of life."

HAHAHAHAH. man you made my day :)

- r

doubt.

so now we're in a situation i never thought we would experience. you say everything is fine but i can see it's not. you always told me not to listen to everyone elses opinions and think for myself. now it's your turn. if you don't trust me enough then obviously you don't know me. and i don't know you. something like this shouldn't ruin everything. but i guess we'll just wait and see if you really do love me. because right now, all i can sense is doubt.

- r

cramp.

people will always look for the easiest way out, little do they realise that it's only temporary. it's just about as effective as turning your head the other way. eventually, you'll have to turn back.

- jae.