clueless..

you haven't the slightest what you've done to me, do you? it's not that i can't explain it, it's because i don't want to- the busier i am, the more reason to ignore how i feel about you. the more important everything else is, the less important you will be- right? right. no questions. who am i kidding.. i've tried pretending, i've tried not caring, i've even taken up another job and deprived myself of even more sleep. you know me, you know what makes me happy and you know how to make me smile without even trying. i give in- as long as you're on the other end of that ten digit combination, i don't care about anything else. it's sad how we're so good together- through good, bad or strange- as mates.. it's cruel how incredible you are and unfair how this has turned out. this really is a bitter-sweet ending, isn't it..

- jae.

one day.

life without you just wouldn't be life.
maybe i'm just afraid of what to come. i don't know what it will have in store for me, and i don't think i'm ready to find out.
i know i think too much. but this is something else. i think i just need to disappear for a while. but we all know that's not possible.
i guess all i can do now is wait. but i'm not a very patient person.

- r

short.

i didn't think that it would ever come to this.
but the more i think about it, the more i consider my future. what does it hold? and what should i do? life is too short for this.

- r

changed.

i can't help but think sometimes i give a little too much- will taking this chance really be worth it, or will it just be a catastrophic mistake? completely immersing myself in work and study, making my teenage social life practically non-existent.. this blind faith and seemingly unfaltering feelings.. i always seem to give a little more to one over another. sometimes, i doubt- doubt whether this sudden burst of determination will see me through to the end, and doubt you know how much you've changed me..

regardless- i'll go for as long as this determination will drive me, and stand by you until you shatter me into a million unrecognisable pieces.. because this what you've done to me. i seem to have lost the ability to critically analyse a situation and make a pessimistic evaluation that i'll honestly believe still holds true, amongst other things.. but i've gained an experience worth much more :) fear is for the weak, doubt is for cowards and insecurities just need a little bit of extra attention, time and love.

that's right dearest, you read it, and you know i'm aiming it at you ;) don't stress though, i'll be making sure you get plenty of it! unfortunately for you, i have an artillery full.

- jae.