afraid.

it's come to the point where i don't know if i wanted, is still something i want. maybe it's just because i have issues letting people get close to me that when the time comes it is indeed very hard for me to let them in. too afraid to stuff up, too afraid to make mistakes. nobody is perfect, but do i really want to go through all the ups and downs for the sake of someone else. this isn't my thing, i don't know if i'm ready anymore.

the last summer festival of the year, oh how fail you were. i was so dissapointed to the point where i couldn't be fucked trying to have fun anymore that i sat my ass down and just listened. not that that was bad either, seeing as above and beyond are the shit. i have the biggest urge to try and make up for it, but i don't know if it's worth it.

my health is disintegrating into nothing, i should really start taking care of myself from now on then maybe i will be able to live passed the age of 30.

sunday morning

another weekend update,
6hrs of sleep friday night, work from 9-9 saturday
then metrossss, and didn't sleep till 7am sunday
it is now 10am sunday morning and i am in r's bed ;]
FUTURE MUSICCC TODAYYYY, and then uni starts tomorrow.
it's amazing how 18yo's seem have these untapped reservoirs of energy
that materialise out of nowhere when the time calls -
"work hard, play harder" right ?
but i should be careful,
i might burn myself out one day.

-jae.

finally.

have you ever had that week where you just can't be fucked doing anything at all? coz i just had that week. hopefully it doesn't fuck my educational life up. otherwise i'm screwed :(

"if i could say so, i would say what i'm feeling" - pretty sure that's me. sometimes i forget that i'm my own person and i let others influence me so easily. thank goodness you are here to keep me grounded. either i'm really stupid for trusting you, or you give me that fresh breeze of air. the one that wakes you up after the rude awakening that you get from the atmosphere around you. this year will be a year for growth and truly searching for what the fuck i want in this life. wondering around aimlessly isn't really helping. maybe you'll be the one to open my eyes and help me realise what i want. maybe it's you?

- r

weekend.

alrightyy! i thought i'd give the emo blogging a break
and fill you in on my second last weekend of freedom
i spent friday cleaning the house
drove around with my brother for about 4hrs all over perth
went out with rosa for her birthday <3
went to sleep at 3am on saturday, woke up at 6am for work
worked 8am saturday till 11.15pm, after work decided to head to metros with mitze
it is now 5.15am sunday morning, haven't slept yet and drunken blogging (:
have work again at 5.30pm, hopefully i should wake up in time for it :x
sigh, and this is the life of an 18yo with no direction.
until next time

oh! and r, i think i've caught up ;)
I RUV RUUU~

- jae

human nature

people come into the world alone and leave alone
needing someone is only a state of mind
we don't need anyone, we only want
want, need, lust, greed, desire -
essentially they're all the same, only different contexts
in one context, it's a sin
another describes it as a necessity
it's funny how we discriminate or justify our emotions when it suits us
depending on our choice of words
human nature is such an ugly thing


-jae

common sense.

it seems that i write on here more often than "?" but it's okay i'm sure she'll catch up soon enough ;D lol.

well yesterday i was having quite a good streak of luck regarding all the things i should've done during the week. until i got to work, i swear that place is cursed or something because i didn't even get the phone call i was expecting which really dissapointed me. but i guess i just have to be more organised next time something important needs to be done ):

my night out was quite interesting, surrounded by people i truly appreciate for always being there for me although things were sort of ruined because of my lack of time management skills and the fact that my stupid friend has no common sense. you don't do some flirtatious and think that nothing is going to come out of it knowing that the bitch wants you and knowing your ability of being a total jerk. i don't understand you sometimes that it frustrates me. sometimes falling in love with you makes me feel like an idiot because i don't even know why i bother, where other times i feel like i'm the most lucky person alive. all i know is that if you don't get some common sense soon and be less of a jerk i will eventually give up on us.

- r

wake up.

we wake up in the morning ready to start a new day. a new day in which we will or hope to accomplish something that we didn't the day before. i woke up this morning with one thing to do, and still haven't done. but then i sat down and thought to myself, why do i need to do this for? maybe that's what's stopping me from doing it. i thought i was found, i'm still lost. really lost.

- r

the first.

there's a first to everything. a first step, a first breath, a first love and.. A FIRST BLOG ENTRY ;D welcome to the wonderful world of the black and white; where colours are our thoughts and what makes our world so wonderful, or not so wonderful at times. there's always something on our minds and maybe it's time we share? for those who really want to know of course <3

oh how i wish i was at funsborough with my homies :(

- r

how are you ?

i don't understand why people ask "how are you ?",
when they don't really care.
the answer is always the same -
another faked smile and one breath closer to death.
everyone's so oblivious.
it's gotten to the point where my smile isn't even forced anymore -
it's become natural, it's almost as if these problems don't really exist.
so i figured, if i keep smiling and pretending nothing's wrong
eventually, there won't be, 'cause i'll be gone.

- jae