48 hours

that's how long it took for you to change my mind and throw everything i thought i knew out the window- a week for you to completely blow me away. i thought that if i paid no mind i'd be able to carry on as i always have but you make it rather hard. don't get me wrong though, this is entirely my choice. i won't use some sappy 'i can't help it' line because i could stop this if i really wanted to but i don't, i'm just hoping for the best- or am i? oh well, i'm throwing everything out the door and i mean everything- doubts, insecurities, reason and him.

in the past 48 hours i went from walking into a a club thinking "all eyes on me" and taking my pick, i'd own any dancefloor and love it, i'd go all out and not think twice. now? the only thing i'll see when i walk in the club is you, despite all those yuppies trying to get my attention like a fish out of water. i've been surrounded by a sea of topless (pretty hot too.. i think) boys and not even cared. i can't stand being around him knowing what's going through his head when he looks at me and cringe when he even touches me.

i'm going through that door blind-folded- as doubts, insecurities and fears are all in your mind so is security, comfort and love. we subconsciously choose to feel everything we do- good or bad- by playing all these scenarios and possibilities through our heads and making them seem real. we choose to believe the best or worst in people, as we choose to be amazing or disappointing ourselves. there is no reasoning to this change of heart- just that it is and even if it goes horribly wrong, it'll be one more lesson learned.

- jae.