rant.

i've always hated being alone,
being left alone to listen to my own thoughts
but i think i'm slowly starting to get used to it
because when i think about it, they're all valid points.

- i hate seeing you sad over something you have no control of,
why do you let emotions control you so easily?
then i just get frustrated with myself for being so useless.

- 'the game' is too easy, it's boring.
people only hate it because they don't know how to play it.
it's like girls and WoW/dota, DON'T DENY IT.

- yes, i am cold hearted bitch.
i couldn't care less about half the people i know.
i know it sounds really bad,
but chances are they all probably care less for me.
what you see is what you get.
if you look at me and see nobody, don't expect me to care about what kind of impression i leave you with.
if you look at me and see someone who will always make you smile,
don't expect me to ever give you up without a fight,
i won't let you go that easily.

- manners; without them, you're disgusting and filthy.
if you don't use "pardon me", "thank you" and "please" when appropriate, it's probably 'cause your parents were hillbillies.

- most see me as materialist, cold, cruel et cetera.
you don't need to tell me, i already know.
if i act that way towards you, there's usually a reason.
think carefully before you start labeling me
and make sure you have a valid reason.

- i don't care about what a person does in their spare time,
what they chose to do to kill time is no concern of mine
just as mine are no concern of theirs.
the only time a person has the right to judge another person,
is when the subject's actions affect others negatively.

- i love my friends, the few i actually have, almost as much as my family. the lengths i would go to for these people, are more than most would, or should.
sometimes, i choose to let the wrong ones in and sacrifice more of myself than i probably should. sometimes, i try to help one too much that i start neglecting others
but i love them more for having patience with me.

- just because i've never been in love, doesn't mean i've never had my heart broken.
for me, to let myself fall in love would be unbelievably stupid.
i see love stories start and end everyday, there is no 'forever'.
"the means justifies the end"
but if the end gets you to the same, or worse, place you started from
why bother getting to the end at all?
consequently, i become more dependent on some individuals
thinking they would care enough to not want to hurt me.
then i remember, some people have other faces.

- i hate people who are too overly nice to everyone,
but some people don't get what i mean by this.
i'm the type of person who will start a random conversation with the behind the counter when i'm in a good mood if they're looking a tad bored. i appreciate it when people don't give me one word answers.
i don't appreciate it when they reply because they have ulterior motives.
i may be slow, but i'm not stupid. i can read someone within the first ten seconds of meeting them,
whether i care enough to remember this impression or their face,
is a completely different story.


THE END (for now)

- jaee.