navigate.

you've got my emotions all strung up, wafting in the open with everything you say as if each word was a breeze, and a series of wrong ones could cause an emotional hurricane. i've always been the reasonable, rational, level-headed one but you confuse me to the point i don't know what i am. i constantly contradict myself- act composed when i'm a mess, think i'm my old-self at times, and make you think something's wrong when all i do is sit there and smile because i'm happy.
i still doubt, get insecure and fear the worst at times while also confidently putting blind faith in you- don't ask how, i don't get it either. when i doubt, i reason it out. when i get insecure, i feel your arms cradle me to bed. when i get scared- scratch that, my only fear is you leaving but don't think that'll be happening anytime soon.
i used to be this unstable, overly-sensitive looper who couldn't be left alone for half a day without my mind going charlie sheen on me. i would get so insecure when you weren't there to reassure me- my mind would go on a frenzy, grouping you with all those other stupid boys from my past, expecting the worse. then you'd prove me utterly wrong, make me berate myself for doubting you in the first place- falling that little bit deeper each time..
this sounds like a fairy-tale, right? so picturesque, so perfect- so predictable? how long until we can't be perfect anymore? or will we be always be this good together? will we fight and make-up? or will we get bored and break-up? all very real possibilities and surprisingly- have very little effect on me. this is exactly what i mean though, even though i'm so happy- somehow my mind still has these thoughts but pays them no mind? that being said, if i was so happy then i shouldn't be thinking them at all.
what happens next is still a mystery- possibilities are endless but i really don't know where else this can go but maybe it's a good sign.. right? i'm just going to hold your hand tighter..

- jae.