action.

aren't you supposed to do what makes you happy?
why do people care so much about their actions and words?

because your actions, and what words you use may hurt somebody.
even if it was unintentional.

- r

selfish.

as much as i might say it doesn't bother me.
i guess it does. because at the end of the day, i'm just as selfish as you are.

- r

ughhhh

this lack of sleep is totally not helping me.
i'm so grumpy i could hit someone in the face.
not a wise time to be pissing me off.

- r

sighpie.

all the signs say it's wrong, but why does it feel right?
maybe i need to take a step back and look for what i want for myself because at the end of the day i should be making my own decisions.
although it's my own life, i feel so hesitant to live it. everything about it is wrong. i can't do it, and just let it go..

maybe the page needs to be turned, and looked at in a different perspective.
think about it, there is so much you can do without me. your life would be so much easier if you just followed the rules. mine would be too.
i think your vision is blurred, and you need to see the bigger picture.
look at what is right in front of you.

- r

different.

it seems harmless in your eyes.
while in others it's the total opposite.
differences in opinion changes everything.
differences in people changes everything.
it may seem like nothing to you.
but it's something to me.
change what you will, do what you want.
because the difference between you and i, is never going to change.
maybe you think it's stupid, but i have reasons for why i feel the way i do.
it's easy for you, to say it's okay.
but it isn't for me, and it never will be.
sorry that a few assholes in my life has affected the way i am with you.
but that's just how my life has played out.
let me guard myself, and rely on who i think is worth relying on.
because they have been around for too many heartbreaks to let it happen again.

- r

depressing shit.

i walk down the road and what do i see?
i see a small primary school with children playing games on the oval. pushing their friends around, laughing, crying, screaming.
their lives seem so full of innocence. all they want to do is play with toys, make new friends, share cute silly stories. they understand each other.
children have this interesting thing, i've noticed. no matter how different they are, they tend to understand each other. it doesn't matter where they're from. most of the time, the person sitting next to them becomes their best friend.
just because they sit next to them. and when it's time to move to a different class, it starts all over again.
how do they adapt so easily? that's the thing. they don't. every single year, they move class, change teacher, change 'best friend' even. it's not easy to make a solid relationship with people when all this change happens. that's why, when change does happen you learn to hold on to things. at least make sure you have kept a memory. coz you never know when that's all you will have of someone.

i'm sure plenty of people wonder why my blogs always seem so depressing. well, they are i guess, in a way. but only because i type out all my depressing thoughts, with hope that they will go away and i can continue to live my life without ever thinking of such things. but sometimes, when i'm alone i sit there and just think. think about all the friends i've had, all the friends i DO have and how i can keep things the way they are. because right now everything seems almost perfect, right where i want it to be. even after all that change, moving around, constant best friend changing. i feel like i'm in a great position right now. right where i want to be. even though there are some people missing in the puzzle i guess i'll just have to deal with a few holes here and there but as long as i stay like this, for a little longer i'm happy and awfully blessed to have what i have.

- r

girl.

there was once a beautiful girl who lived in a castle.
she grew up with a wonderful family, a family which always loved her and forgave her for actions that may have dissapointed them countless times.
they gave her almost everything she ever wanted.
never did she feel unappreciative of whatever was given to her.
this girl had beautiful siblings which always looked after her and made sure she was okay. they watched over her when her mother and father ever felt they needed a break.
the girl loved her family so much that she would do anything for them.
she was always the one the family thought would make it in the world. she was the only one that had accomplished things that the rest of the family had not.
but one day, she felt she could not live up to their expectations.
she knew she was different..

she did not share all the same values as they did. but she didn't want to dissapoint them. she loved them so.
instead, she kept her feelings to herself. locked up in her heart, for no one to ever find. her secret was never shared with anyone.
but how long can secrets be kept? lying to others is just as bad as lying to yourself.
right?

- r

diary.

i've decided i need a diary. to keep important dates handy all the time. and so i can be more organised. and meet deadlines for once. handing in things in late isn't going to help me in the future. and missing appointments is super annoying.
so HELLO 2011, organised renata here i come! :D

laugh.

"i don't think i should go to a katy perry concert.
i'm afraid i would have an erection. and that would be quite embarrassing."

- doodle.

hahaha oh you make me laugh. can't wait to take photos with your awesome camera and (not) drop it in a pond! ;D take photo's of all the celebrities you see in LA for me. so i can hate on them as much as i can. GO DIE AMERICA (Y)

- r