afraid.

it's come to the point where i don't know if i wanted, is still something i want. maybe it's just because i have issues letting people get close to me that when the time comes it is indeed very hard for me to let them in. too afraid to stuff up, too afraid to make mistakes. nobody is perfect, but do i really want to go through all the ups and downs for the sake of someone else. this isn't my thing, i don't know if i'm ready anymore.

the last summer festival of the year, oh how fail you were. i was so dissapointed to the point where i couldn't be fucked trying to have fun anymore that i sat my ass down and just listened. not that that was bad either, seeing as above and beyond are the shit. i have the biggest urge to try and make up for it, but i don't know if it's worth it.

my health is disintegrating into nothing, i should really start taking care of myself from now on then maybe i will be able to live passed the age of 30.