indifference is my facade.

i can't tell if i'm so cold-hearted that i don't register emotions, or is it that i'm just incapable of understanding them? i'll feel it for a moment and then nothing. are all emotions just fleeting? they come and go so quickly that i barely have time to experience them, let alone recognise what they are. was it hope that turned into sour disappointment? was it lust that became unfilfilled longing? or was it love that ended in heartbreak? pffft, the latter is highly unlikely, nothing more than a mere possibility.
then again, who am i to say such things, i have no idea what 'love' is in that sense. i always thought that when someone you 'loved' left you, your entire world would come crashing down, that's how you know you're in love. a friend scoffed when i told her this :/so what is love? everyone has a different definition of it i guess. emotions have no physical characteristics to distinguish one from another and being intangible, there is no way to measure them either. so there is no empirical way to prove that emotions really exist, they're just concoctions of our minds, a mental tool used to complicate situations unnecessarily. yeah, i quite like that reasoning, i think i'll stick with that one.
on an end note though, there is also the possibility that i subconsciously choose to suppress these emotions, refusing to let them surface. that couldn't be though, it's not as though i choose to be emotionally insensitive, it's just embedded in me.


- jae.