change.

i've decided that i shouldn't be rescued anymore. simply because i don't want to rely on people. people shouldn't be relied on, because no matter how close you are to someone or how much you think they care about you or you care about them, one day, they won't be as big a part of your life as they are. and when that day comes, it will be too much of a struggle for me to fend on my own. but i guess that's why you meet new people, make new friends and replace them with the ones that have left you. i learned that the hard way already, i don't think i want to go through that again.

so last night i went overboard (once again). i really should stop doing that, it's really getting old and i feel sorry for everyone. maybe if i drank daily i wouldn't feel the need to go hardcore on the weekend? haha, NO. it's time for purity. full purity, besides the smoking of cigarettes because it makes me feel better these days. i don't know why? i should quit while i'm ahead, but i really don't give a fuck. it's okay, i can control it. i have self control. except when it gets to drinking. now i realise why it's against my religion to drink.

i can't believe how much can change in two years. it seriously feels like everyone is taking their own paths in life. one of my best childhood friends is having a baby soon! she's so beautiful. i can't wait for her to have her bubba, he will be just as a good person as she is. i miss hanging out with her. and now she has a full motherly feel about her it's so weird! it makes me feel like i'm not taking my life seriously enough. but i guess everyone goes at their own pace.

- r